The Holy Spirit says,"...He is patient with you not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." (2 Peter 3:9) And, about God's love He proclaims, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16) Beloved, how can anyone not accept this unconditional and unfailing love of God for our salvation?
I was born on August 28, 1967 at Madras, India. Being the firstborn son of my parents, I enjoyed all the privileges that come with it. My father is a humble factory worker in a government company and my mother a good housewife. My family is Hindu and all our ancestors are Hindus. I too was a Hindu believing in the traditions, rituals and holy texts of our religion. When my age was twelve, I had the opportunity to study history of world civilization. This gave me a good idea of what different people in this world believe about God and their cultures. At this time, I came across a biography of a Hindu saint who died for the cause of his belief. His belief was that idol worship is not acceptable to God. This argument was also made by several other saints. I too agreed with their views and I doubted idol worship done by my mother and others in family. If idol worship is acceptable to God, then why can't it change us spiritually? The Bible says, "To whom, then, will you compare God? What image will you compare him to?" (Isaiah 40:18) By this time, I was convinced in my heart that idol worship is a sin, and that God is a spirit and He should be worshipped in spirit. Unbelief in idol worship caused me to lose faith in Hindu religion. There was a vacuum in my heart for the true God, it couldn't be filled by any religion that I knew. Since, I couldn't find the true God, I formed my own rules for worshipping God.
In the spring of 1981, when my age was 14, my school teacher Mrs. Marina Rose taught our class about major religions of the world. About Christianity, she gave her opinion that Jesus Christ didn't establish a religion. This was interesting to me. I borrowed a book from her which was about the Middle East. While returning the book to her in early summer, she gave me a book Good News and requested me to read it. I took it home and began to read it in my spare time. The book had concise information about most of the religions in the world. It was more like a shopping guide for religions. It discussed the beliefs of every religion and what they believe about salvation from sin and worshipping God. The last chapter contained what Christians believe about salvation, judgement, and worshipping God. One thing attracted my attention in that chapter Christian's belief about the thousand year rule by Jesus Christ. This is what it said,"...They came to life and reigned with Christ a thousand years..."
In June that year, one hot summer day, I and my Christian friend Mr. Gnana Pragasam were riding our bicycles. I asked him, "Do you know your Bible says that Jesus Christ will rule on earth for thousand years?" He replied, "No, when he comes to earth, he will take away all Christians to heaven and leave all non- Christians on earth." I argued with him that he doesn't know his own Bible. To resolve the conflict we decided to go to Mrs. Rose's house and ask her about this matter. We went and told her about our conflict. She patiently opened the Bible and began to read Revelation 20:4. She told us that I was right about the thousand year rule. This brought pride in my heart, that Christians don't know their Bible well, but I know better than them. She went on to read about the Lord Jesus Christ from the Bible. She read about Him being the Savior of this world from sin and that He is the true God. I don't remember what portions of the Bible she read, neither does any one present at that time do.
I went home after that, and was very joyful in my heart, but didn't know the reason for it. That night before sleeping, I prayed to God that, I believe in Lord Jesus Christ and I would follow Him. The miracle is this; neither did I know how to accept Jesus Christ as my Savior, nor did I know how to pray. But the scriptures that Mrs. Rose read to me had given me enough knowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord of all and that I need to somehow pray to Him. A peace that I didn't understand came upon me. A quest for the true God ended in my life.
After becoming a Christian I realized that I was born a sinner and every instinct of my heart is bent towards sin. "The Lord saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time." (Genesis 6:5) And that before I know God, I was His enemy. That all my good works are like 'filthy rags', "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;" (Isaiah 64:6). Scripture says, "the sinful mind is hostile God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God." (Romans 8:7,8) I also realized that, I am not righteous in God's sight, ungodly and unable to understand the things of God. For he says, "there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God." (Romans 3:11) and "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23) Beloved, this is your state if you don't know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.
But God provides a means by which we can be justified. He declares the ungodly as 'godly', the sinner as 'forgiven', and the children of darkness and evil as 'children of God', when we believe in the name of Jesus Christ. Since, His blood on the cross was made as a sacrifice for our sins. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this; While we were still nners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by His blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him!" (Romans 5:8,9) "...we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all." (Hebrews 10:10) The Holy Spirit also warns us, "Today if you hear His voice don't harden your hearts.." (Hebrews 3:15) "Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him, and to our God, for He will freely pardon." (Isaiah 55:6,7) Beloved, if you have not known Lord Jesus Christ, then I beg you, now is the time to receive Him. This salvation is free and not gained by works or by any other means. This grace has to be received by faith and nothing else. I also warn you not to look for perfection in Christians, since, they are just 'forgiven' sinners with a heart to please Lord Jesus Christ. Instead, look at Lord Jesus Christ and you will find all the answers to your questions.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old is gone the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17) My new Christian life was like this, there was a desire to please God and to follow His commands. There was a desire to put off sinful habits and to put on godly habits. I asked Mrs. Rose to give me a Bible. After three weeks I received it, and I was eager to read it. I believed everything I read from the Bible, for it is God's word to man. When my brother came home from his boarding school I took him to Mrs. Rose's house so that she can present the gospel to him. And he confessed that he believed in Lord Jesus Christ. Several times I witnessed to my father's friend Mr. Wilfred Epaenetus. Though he was born in a Christian family he didn't have a relationship with Lord Jesus Christ as I did. After a few months he accepted the Lord and committed his life to Him. At the same time God used Mrs. Rose and me to witness to one of my classmate in school, Mr. Pratap Reddy and he believed. There were several others to whom Mr. Wilfred and I witnessed, but we don't know what happened to them after we left them. This is the nature of the gospel, we cannot contain it and we have to pass it on.
My mother was angry twice when she came to know that I had been going to church and on witnessing trips. Sometimes I received punishment for not giving proper explanation for my new life. Most of the incidents that happened in the first year were painful, and by God's grace I have forgotten them. Sometimes memories come back, and I praise God for helping me through those situations. Bible says, "For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for Him," (Philippians 1:29)
In June, 1982, our high school results were announced. One of the persons to whom I witnessed, Mr. Vijay Kumar attempted suicide on hearing that he failed his tests. Mr. Vijay professed to be a Christian but didn't please God in what he did. He would argue, nce he is a Christian, Lord Jesus will give him good results in the tests and that he need not work for it. So by being lazy and not studying, he failed the tests. My friend, Mr. Gnana Pragasam, and I went to visit him at the hospital. The next day we came to know that we were blamed for his suicide attempt. According to Mr. Vijay, Mrs. Rose and I forced him to become a Christian and later persuaded him to commit suicide. We knew in our hearts that we didn't do this sin. Mr. Vijay's father came to my home one morning and questioned my family and me. He asked me, "What is your religion?" I replied, "I am a Christian." "Don't you know that only orphans can become Christians? Do you think that you don't have father and mother?" My parents got angry for all the trouble Mr. Vijay's father was creating at our house.
My parents were greatly troubled by a stranger coming and confronting our family. Until then they were very patient, but they couldn't hold their anger any more. I was not allowed to go outside the house for a few days. I was told to reject my Christian faith and come back to Hindu religion. My friends couldn't visit me. All my Bibles and Bible literature were stacked and burned. Some of them were secretly stored at a relative's house. Some of my relatives came and scolded me for becoming a Christian. My father's cousin who works in the army came one night to scold me. After drinking wine, he said, "Jesus drinks wine like me, so he is no different than me." I was silent and didn't answer his questions. My father approached Mr. Wilfred and requested him to re[-]convert me into the Hindu religion. If he was successful, my father would help him get a bank loan or give him large amount of money. Mr. Wilfred said, "He gave me new life, do you want me to send him to the life I had before?" He refused to obey my father's request. During this time I was so grieved that I would be losing the freedom to study the Bible and go to church. I lost my appetite for food and tears never stopped flowing. My parents also confronted my brother and asked him to reject his faith in Christianity. He was obedient to them and showed that his conversion was not genuine.
My father asked me to write a statement saying that, Mrs. Rose forced me to become a Christian and that I didn't voluntarily become one. I had only two choices, either write the statement or be put off the house. I prayed that God would protect Mrs. Rose from this false statement and then yielded to the pressure of my father. My parents also made me to promise that I would not go to church, read the Bible, and pray anymore. I agreed to their orders, but I thought they could never stop me from praying. I compromised my belief in Lord Jesus at that time. I was helpless and without wisdom to deal with the situation. Even though I was ashamed of Lord Jesus several times, thank God He was never hamed of me. After a few weeks, my grandfather came to persuade me to come back to Hindu religion and live a normal life.
I kept my faith deep in my heart and closed it to the outside world. I lived as a hypocrite, to my parents and society as a Hindu, and to the Lord Jesus as a Christian. All my Christian friends knew my situation and prayed for me. I couldn't read the Bible, or go to church, or even meet my Christian friends openly anymore. Beloved, in all these trials I didn't waiver in my belief in Lord Jesus, but surely didn't trust Him enough to take care of me. He says, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5) At that time I was so blind that I couldn't see Him just beside me and took things into my control instead of yielding to Him.
For the next five years I was in my `Egypt', away from church and the Bible, but always praying that He would deliver me from this bondage. The Scripture that the Holy Spirit always brought to my memory was, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine" (Isaiah 43:1) I thought that I belong to Him, and He will finally deliver me from this situation in His time. My friends helped me by tearing pages from devotional books and the Bible and giving me a few pages a week. Also, I used to borrow Christian books, which didn't have any obvious Christian names, or which looked like novels. Then, my parents wouldn't be suspicious of me. I sealed scripture pages in the bindings of the note books, or college text books. At that time, I had the opinion that God accepts prayer only when I pray kneeling down, so I used to do my prayers usually in the restroom where my privacy was sure. The new Christian friends I made at the college, I would call by their Indian names so that my parents would not be displeased. Being away from Christian friends and church, my faith in Lord Jesus was growing cold. Sometimes, I used to doubt whether my belief in Lord Jesus was a waste, or if Lord Jesus's salvation was a lie, then I am still in my sins. Finally, I resolved that Hindu religion doesn't save me, but I trust Lord Jesus, If He cannot then I will die in sins, since He can save me from hell then I can enjoy eternal life.
My mother made me worship her idols. Every week, I had to clean them, burn incense, light a lamp, put some ash on my forehead, and eat food dedicated to the idols. I obeyed her, but never worshipped the idols from my heart. While doing this external idol worship, I always prayed to Lord Jesus Christ that some day He would deliver me from this trouble. I was forced to obey my mother; otherwise the punishment was no breakfast or lunch for that day. Sometimes, I was fortunate to avoid worshipping idols by being away from home on the day of worship.
In 1987, my father allowed me to stay at my college campus and pursue my education. Finally, I got the chance to read the Bible daily, being away from my family. I got hold of a completely torn ving New Testament. All of fall 1987, I spent my best time with that torn Bible. I somehow passed all my semester examinations without failing any course. Reading the Bible daily helped me to grow in my faith. When, I read Acts 2:42 which says, "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer." I realized, if I don't do as those early Christians did then God will be displeased, so I asked God to give me the courage to have Christian fellowship and the boldness to go to church. Several of my friends encouraged me to come back to church. They were praying that God would give me the boldness and that my parents would be gracious. By Spring 1988, I came back to stay at my house and God provided me fellowship of three believers. We used to meet every Tuesday and Thursday nights for Bible study, prayer, and fellowship. My friends used to gently persuade me to visit their church. After a few months I started attending church secretly, without carrying a Bible in my hand, so my parents would not find out and trouble me.
I was growing in the teaching of the elders of the church and found favor with all the brothers and sisters in Christ. We started praying about my baptism so that I can participate in the Lord's Supper, which was performed every Sunday in worship. God provided an opportunity for that after I reached 21 years of age. My faithful little prayer group of four earnestly prayed for God's direction in my life. All of 1989, we spent our prayer time seeking God's will for our lives. From 1988 through 1989 my parents never questioned or confronted me going to church; I never told them I was going and they never asked.
It was my father's desire for me to do my graduate studies in the USA. I didn't like the idea, since I don't like living away from my family. I was not successful in finding a satisfying job, and several incidents happened to convince me that I need to pursue the option of graduate study in the USA. After nine months of waiting on the Lord, I started my preparations in the fall of 1989. Everything was arranged by the Lord and in the right time, for me to come to the USA and start my graduate study at Mississippi State University.
I suddenly became aware of the fact that I was miles and miles away from home. I worried about my family and was very anxious about them. My friends used to cheer me up and take me to malls, stores, and other public places to help me forget my parents. By November 1990, my homesickness was very severe. One day while reading the Bible I came across, Psalms 73:25,26, "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." This convicted me that my priority was not God but my family. After that I gave Lord Jesus the highest priority in my life and never felt homesick. I accepted the fact that wherever God places me that would be my home. After coming to America, I was able to read the Bible, pray, and attend church regularly with freedom. My soul has become strong because of continued fellowship with the Lord Jesus, church and hearing of God's word.
In 1992, my mother sent me gifts for my 25th birthday. At that time God convicted me that I was still ashamed of Him before my parents. For more than a month, I was in prayer and meditation for my mother. The Lord laid on my heart to tell my parents the fact that I am still a Christian and that I am thankful for all their love and affection for me. I was afraid that I would lose the relationship with my family if I shared my belief to them. But the Lord answered with Mark 10:29,30, "no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields and with them persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life." This was a direct command from God asking me if I would rather have my parents and forsake the gospel or risk to lose them and gain His favor and 100 fold blessings. I wrote a letter to my mother about my religious belief and mailed it before my birthday. I thought this would cause me to lose my family.
After a month I received a letter from my parents which expressed their bitterness and disappointment. This continued for a few months; my mother went into depression and I don't know my father's condition at that time. But God blessed me with the love of several women who started showing motherly love towards me. I thanked God for His commitment to the promise of Mark 10:29,30. Since then, wherever God has sent me, He has always provided families who showed love and affection. Later, my parents accepted the fact that I am a Christian and that they cannot change me.
Beloved, I appreciate your patience until now. These things were written so that you may know who Lord Jesus Christ is, and by knowing you may believe in Him, and by believing you may have life eternal with Him. Also, if you are a Christian, you may find hope in your trials and sufferings, since nothing new has come to you except that which was faced by Christians all over the world. Scripture says, "So don't throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." (Hebrews 10:35,36)